


Stardust

by jbsullivan17



Series: Prompt Fills [8]
Category: The 100
Genre: Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-02 08:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbsullivan17/pseuds/jbsullivan17
Summary: Post break-up modern AU in the tone of I Miss You by Clean Bandit feat Julia Michaels.





	Stardust

**Author's Note:**

> While writing this I had 6 songs on repeat. Rather Be with You by Sinead Harnett, I Miss You by Clean Bandit feat Julia Michaels, Miss You by Louis Tomlinson, Goodbye by Sam hunt, Too Good at Goodbyes by Sam Smith, and New by Daya. Though this is based off the Clean Bandit song, all 5 songs are featured in some way.

Clarke knew it was ridiculous, it was her choice, and yes, she’s kicking herself for it now, but they needed it with everything going on in their lives. She didn’t expect him to actually be okay with the decision, but it was also who he was, always wanting everyone to be happy even if it meant he wasn’t. He sure did look happy though.

She’s on Instagram on one of her few breaks and he actually posted something on his account. He wasn’t big on pictures, they didn’t have many growing up so it made sense that the concept of Instagram, Snapchat and the horrid Facebook was something he was against.

But there it was, there they’ve been, his Instagram posts and Clarke had a feeling that it wasn’t really him that was posting them, but they were together so long that the captions actually sounded like him, like the latest one. He’s with Octavia and Miller in Cabo, she knew he wouldn’t go on his own volition, it was probably Octavia’s idea, she’s a WWE Diva, she has money, and bringing Miller was definitely to get Bellamy to go in the first place.

The picture was in a bar, Clarke’s never seen a Cabo bar and it looks relatively nice. Bellamy had his arm around Octavia and a half drank Corona bottle at his mouth where he actually has a smile on. Clarke tried not to but she wished she was the bottle so she could be close to his lips again, she misses him so desperately, she’s pathetic. In the picture, Octavia is glaring at Miller, who’s behind the camera, his unoccupied hand making the WWE too sweet sign in the corner of the picture, such a fucking Miller move, Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at it.

Clarke knew she still loved him, she knew he was probably it for her, but where they were in their careers, him traveling the country on his book tours and her staying in Seattle because of her residency. She doesn’t know if he told O or even Miller that they broke up, they both pushed them together because they were complete idiots thinking the other didn’t feel the same way. She realized she was an idiot for breaking up with him for that reason, but she made the decision and she can’t take it back.

The caption was so Bellamy, she couldn’t take it.

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh, Miller acted like a diva, people probably assumed there were a bunch of WWE Divas there and that’s what he was referring to, but Clarke knew better.

They’re still friends though so she can comment and it won’t be weird. She already liked the photo, so she can comment…

She didn’t read the comments, she knew better than that, Octavia posts pictures of him all the time, she’s used to seeing them, but Clarke hated seeing the comments about how hot he was and before O straightened people out, they called him her boyfriend which was funny and weird but turned disturbing when they suggested incest… what?

Clarke texted him and tried not to sound pathetic because it’s freaking cold and Bellamy’s half naked on a beach in Mexico.

She didn’t send it, she couldn’t. They’re broken up and she needs to pull back from feelings with him. No matter what, she can’t change her mind, she can’t admit the biggest mistake of her life and how much it pained her to push him away.

* * *

Clarke got home that night and couldn’t sleep so she went back on Instagram and after a few stupid celeb posts, she came across Miller’s post. It was Bellamy leaning on the bar, beer in his hand, a smirk adorning his lips with an insanely attractive brunette bartender talking to him.

Clarke closed the app, placing her phone on her nightstand and rolled over, how is she supposed to fall asleep when everyone still thinks they’re together?

She didn’t sleep that night, she tried thinking about everything else in her life, hell she even tried studying her medical books but nothing took her mind too far from the thoughts of Bellamy and that girl, no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t stop thinking about how it was her fault. He was there because of her, he was talking to that gorgeous bartender because she pushed him away. And she was, gorgeous.

She worked through the day on autopilot, she wasn’t a fourth year so it didn’t matter much, she mostly got yelled at about a mistake and when seven o’clock rolled around Dr. Jackson had Dr. Tsing let Clarke go, promising she’d be on call even though all she wanted to do was drink, more than usual because Jackson was giving her sympathetic looks all day, meaning he saw Miller’s post of Bellamy the night before and felt bad for Clarke because _he_ thinks they’re still together too. She hasn’t told anyone because she’s an idiot for letting him go, she doesn’t know why he hasn’t told anyone.

When she got home she drew herself a bath and pulled out a book she bought and meant to read years ago but med school got in the way. Her phone buzzed on the tub ledge and Clarke peaked at it, avoiding everyone she didn’t want to talk to, pretty much leaving Raven who coincidentally was who’d texted. So Clarke, never one to beat around a bush responded with:

Clarke knew Raven had a point, of course she knew because it was exactly what Clarke told Raven when she broke up with Wick via email. Who emails a breakup?

* * *

He went to New York, he had a string of meetings with the head of Ark Publications and a possible movie deal in the works, she knew all this from before the biggest mistake of her life.

Even in college, she knew he’d amount to something great, she didn’t know what at the time, but a man like him, rough edges and all, were destined to be great. She didn’t know he had a novel half written or that she would fall so hard and fast that she didn’t even know what happened until she couldn’t deny how she felt. A writer, one of the best of the generation, they say, he knows how to make people love a villain and how even a seemingly perfect character was the character with the most flaws, the biggest hamartia. He sees people in a way that truly resonated. How the hell did someone who could do all that and more, fall for someone that doesn’t follow her own dreams? Who can’t cook or clean?

Her phone pinged, notifying her that one of her friends posted on Instagram, Bellamy. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to know, of course she did, she’s supportive at a distance. She ignored it, throwing her phone into her purse before heading into the restaurant, finding Abby and Marcus all too quickly, wishing she had a minute to breathe.

“Clarke!” they called when she was closer to the table.

She smiled, trying to get it to reach her eyes, but failed horribly, like everything else in her life at the moment. “Hi,” she sat.

“How’s residency?” Abby asked straight out the gate.

“Horrendous. How’s Portland?”

“Better opportunities.”

Clarke grimaced, “Right.”

“How’s Bellamy?” Kane asked, trying to change the subject to something lighter. Wrong move.

“We broke up and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Is there anything we _can_ talk about?”

“The weather is wet?”

“It’s rain,” Abby corrected.

“I’m pretty sure it’s a steady mist/fog combo so it’s a disgusting consistency of moist and no one really enjoys it. I’ve been in a steady depression since moving back here. Portland wasn’t much better.”

“Clarke, we drove all the way here, the least you could do is be cordial.”

“I didn’t ask you to come, you know better than anyone that I should be studying. I’m a med student, not a doctor.”

“You clearly need to step away for a moment and breathe. When was the last time you drew something?”

“Like you care, you want me to be a doctor, there’s no payout in art, right?”

“There’s little payout in writing but Bellamy’s doing a fine job there. What happened between you two?”

“He’s always traveling and when he’s here, I’m working or studying. We weren’t a couple anymore, we were roommates with the rare benefit. I felt like I was holding him back and I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be a rusty anchor to his ship.”

“You do realize his latest book is about you, right?” Kane grimaced. “The lighthouse book.”

“It hasn’t been released yet, how’d you get a copy?”

“Bellamy gets a handful of prints for a final look before they go into mass production, didn’t he give you one?”

“We broke up before then. He hasn’t been in town to collect his stuff from the condo.”

“Clarke, are you sure breaking up was the right thing to do? Because you don’t sound sure,” Abby sighed.

“Of course I’m not sure, I just—who was I to keep him in Seattle? Octavia is in LA and he can write from anywhere.”

Clarke was happy that her mother was happy again, she didn’t like Kane at first but she sees how happy he makes Abby so Clarke conceded and sees how good he is.

The conversation changed over the course of their lunch and Clarke said goodbye when it was over, they were heading back to Portland, but probably stopping at a little bed and breakfast halfway down like always. They’re happy and Clarke wished she could be as happy as they were.

In her condo, hours later, she pulled her phone out, ignoring the texts from Raven and Harper and clicked on the Instagram notification of Bellamy’s post.

 

She’s ridiculously proud of him and everything he’s accomplished, starting a charity to help underprivileged children get the learning they want, writing, all different sports and arts. He was the vision of determination and hard work and never giving up on yourself which was probably the look he gave her when he thought she wasn’t looking, that she was giving up on her dreams and she didn’t want to be that person in his eyes, she wants to try and fail and she can’t do that while working eighty hours a week at the hospital.

Before she knew it, her phone was up to her ear and it rang twice before she heard Jackson’s voice saying hello.

“Hey, it’s Clarke. I need to take some time off. I know that I never do so I thought that when…”

“Are you going to paint?”

“Or sketch, yeah.”

“You’re scheduled for tomorrow but I don’t need you next week. I can work around it. How long?”

“I was hoping a few weeks, isn’t Maya taking a week in two weeks, I’ll come back then?”

“Sounds good. Hey, Clarke, if you don’t want to come back, you prefer doing that, just let me know. You’re a great artist, you should explore it before deciding on a career everyone knows you hate.”

“I don’t hate it, I’m bored by it.”

“Tomorrow and then two weeks off, sound good?”

“Yes, thank you, Jackson.”

“You know my first name is Eric, right?”

“If I call you that at work, people are going to think we’re something.”

“My boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend is something.”

 _Ex girlfriend,_ she neglected to correct because she feels so stupid for doing it at all.

* * *

Clarke didn’t talk to anyone in those two weeks, she texted Octavia on her birthday that first Thursday but didn’t like Bellamy’s Instagram post about it even though it was super sweet.

There was a snowstorm that she worked through, most likely missing meals and drinking dirty paint water, that Sunday and Bellamy posted on Tuesday about it, she didn’t acknowledge that one either.

And on Friday he got a dog..?

And it wasn’t that Clarke felt replaced exactly, it was that he had somewhere

permanent to stay, somewhere he could have a dog, somewhere she isn’t.

That hurts.

Frankly it was all confusing so Clarke put it off until she was really done moping over being an idiot and Bellamy being okay with her horrible decision. Why hadn’t he fought for her? Why did he let her make this decision without putting in his opinion? Where was the heart strong man she’s so in love with?

* * *

Three days and a lot of arguing/deal making, Clarke had a gallery show the next weekend. She’s back at work because stability and she figured she had six months left before finals and then she could at least say she has her MD before pursuing art if the show goes well like she hopes it does. She doesn’t start talking to people again, mostly going off word of mouth. She tells Maya, Jackson, and Nyko and it spreads from there. It’s not like she doesn’t want her friends there, she does, it’s just seeing Bellamy, being just _friends_ with Bellamy was going to be difficult and she wanted one more day where she didn’t have to worry about how to act around him because they would eventually see each other again, they have the same friends.

But it wasn’t enough to keep her in the program. She told Jackson she couldn’t do it anymore, that her heart wasn’t in it and if he had time Friday night, she was having an opening at Arkadia Fine Art. She’s going to be happy again.

She had off Wednesday and she brought her favorite pieces from over he years along with the three she finished over the previous two weeks. She was happy, she had something good going, something that didn’t affiliate her to the renowned novelist Bellamy Blake.

In her excitement she posted for the first time on Instagram in months. It was the first sketch she did on her “vacation” and she was proud of it, though it gave away more than she intended, she figured that if he saw it he could take it however he liked (or not).

She collapsed on her bed moments after posting it, knowing that _something_ was coming. The foreboding feeling hung over her all day, as she arranged her paintings throughout the gallery, trying to figure out the essence, favorable or hindering.

She ordered Thai for delivery and sighed, wondering if she should shower before it was delivered in _twenty minutes or less_ as the woman said on the phone. Clarke decided against it, needing some time to relax before eating, she’s been rushing around the last few weeks and not relaxing like a real vacation. She was glad to be at work, if only for the human interaction, she realized that when she broke up with Bellamy, she broke up with her friends too, keeping them at arm’s length and not letting them in to know what a mistake she’s made.

The Thai arrived and she ate a quarter of what she’d purchased, ordering what she and Bellamy usually ordered, stealing off each other’s plates and pseudo fighting over the last spring roll and was about to turn on the new season of Travelers when her doorbell rang again.

She opened the door and he pushed past her like a tornado tearing through everything in its path. “When’d you start drawing again?” he asked in the kitchen, slightly muffled, like his head was in the fridge looking for his beer that she always had stocked. She didn’t stock food but she could stock alcohol, priorities.

“Why are you here?” she asked, closing the door and when she turned around he was chugging his beer in the door jamb.

“Why did you post that drawing, Clarke? Why now? Why did you even draw it, you’re the one that dumped me!”

“Do you have any idea how it feels to catch you looking at me like I’m a disappointment to you, that I’m not living my full potential? That I’m not doing what I love?”

“I…” he sighed, placing the beer on the counter before he went over to the window. “I’m not disappointed in you, Clarke, I just wished you’d given yourself a real chance. You’re an amazing artist and you wouldn’t even entertain the idea of focusing on it for anything more than a doodle during a lecture.”

“So my helping people is a disappointment?”

“You don’t see that there’s more than one way to help people. I help people with my writing, not just my foundation. I help them there too, I want to do more than give them an escape and let them know that how they’re feeling in the moment isn’t something they’re going to feel forever. Your art can do that too, it made me feel loved for a few minutes.”

“Lo—you are, though.”

“Octavia and Miller don’t count.”

“No, I meant—I meant that I love you. I didn’t know what I wanted, Bellamy.” She took a moment to collect her thoughts, to make sure that he knew what she was saying was exactly what she meant. “You were gone for months at a time and I was too busy to miss you, too busy to even know that you were gone and it had gotten to the point that we weren’t a couple anymore, we weren’t in a relationship because we couldn’t talk to each other, I’d come home and pass out in our bed or on the couch. I’d walk in the door and you wouldn’t even look up from your computer. I felt like we were roommates of convenience, not in a committed relationship and you were leaving again. I was going to talk to you, I swear I was going to but then you were there, looking at me with hopelessness, and it hurt more than the hidden looks of disappointment so breaking up with you was the hardest choice I had to make but I couldn’t see that in your eyes anymore.”

“Clarke, I was never disappointed in you, just your constant insistence to make your mother happy by becoming a doctor. Your happiness is far more important than hers. She will get over you not being a doctor but you will live a life of regret and I love you too much to watch you suffer through too many grueling hours at a job you hate every day.”

Clarke couldn’t argue with that. She does hate being a doctor, though it’s mainly the hours, and she constantly complains about it and did wish she could be sketching for a painting or he’ll just for fun like the one she posted on Instagram a half hour ago.

“Bellamy,” she breathed, not knowing what exactly to say. She wanted to apologize, to tell him that she loved him still and regretted breaking up with him but would he want to get back together with her just because they both regret it? Does he regret it? He said that he loves her, but that isn’t enough of a reason if it’s going to be the same again, she can’t go through it all again. “What was with all the Instagram posts? They’re not you.”

“A front. I tried looking like I was okay when I was a mess that was dumped by his girlfriend.”

Clarke nodded, looking at her feet, could she say it? Would saying it change anything or were they doomed, did she doom them? She looked over at him, he looked defeated, and like he hasn’t slept in days, but he’s still her Bellamy. He’s still the guy she talked to until the sun came up on the beach with when they were done taking care of their drunk friends, where she could be herself and got to forget that her feelings were a secret and flirted with him shamelessly and without Raven’s scrutiny. “I miss you.”

“I was going to propose.”

Clarke’s whole body straightened, she didn’t know, how could she have known? They talked about it, sure, but they didn’t _talk_ about it, it wasn’t a real option… or maybe it didn’t feel like it to her at the time. “What?”

“I was going to come back from New York and propose to you, regardless of the book series and movie deal. They wouldn’t have mattered if I had you and I caught myself walking out of both meetings, finger hovering over your contact to call and tell you, but you dumped me.”

“No. No, Bellamy, I—I was hurting.” She felt the tears welling up and tried to push them back, keep them from falling because this wasn’t how her night was supposed to go. “I thought you couldn’t truly love me because I wasn’t using what made me happy to make others happy like you were. That foundation, those kids, it’s a big part of you and I wasn’t a part of it. I want to be a part of it. I want you to be happy and love every corner of your life and I didn’t think you could with me making a decision you wouldn’t have made in my shoes.”

“That’s just it though, I could never be in your shoes. First of all, they’re too small, you have pigeon feet, and secondly, organs freak me out. If you were happy with being a doctor, I wouldn’t ask about working on your art as much as I did. I’ve never seen you happier than when I came home and you bound into my arms having just finished a piece, or when you nervous about the art show at school, you squeezed my hand so tight I thought you were going to break it. I wouldn’t have minded, you could have fixed it.

“But Clarke, you come home from the hospital completely drained of energy, a shell of the effervescent woman I love. Seeing you waste away doing something your heart isn’t into, it’s heartbreaking.”

“I quit yesterday. I took two weeks off because being without you, feeling like I’d never be whole again, it was too much. I also had an existential crisis over everything in my life and Jackson gave me two weeks off. I spent the two weeks painting and I have an opening on Friday.”

“That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!”

Clarke smiled, “It’s because of you. I wouldn’t have gotten here without you.”

“Technically you did.”

“It was your stupid Instagram posts, Miller’s too. I was freaking out about losing you and it brought me to art and instead of doing what I did when my dad died, I faced it and I don’t regret it.”

“Oh, so it’s despite me that you’re finally pursuing your artistic tendencies.”

Clarke smiled, “Slightly spiteful.”

Bellamy scoffed. “Are you inviting me to your opening?”

“I was hoping you’d be my plus one and maybe use your bigger social media reach to get people to come.”

“You know, I may have my own following, but a majority of the people that follow me are there for Octavia. Regardless, I’ll do my best.”

He then cupped her cheek and shook his head with a dopey smile. “I never left you, Princess,” he kissed her sweetly, like she were the most precious thing in the world. Maybe to him she was, who was she to argue with the look in his eyes? “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want you for your fans, as far as I know, I’m your number one fan, Stardust.”

Bellamy laughed at her old drunken nickname for his freckles. Now, she only calls him that when she’s serious. She knows that someway, somehow he is going to leave again, but she also knows that she now has the flexibility to go with him if she chooses or stay home with a deadline on a commission or show. “You’re the only one that matters,” he smiled.

“Where’s that book of yours, by the way? The Lighthouse.”

“I left a manuscript here for you. You didn’t see it?”

She shook her head, wanting to look around her—their—living room for where he left it but looked at his relieved face instead. “It’s not the same as getting my own copy like my stepfather received.”

“It has all the same qualities. Except there’s no cover art, which is a lighthouse and a silhouette of a woman standing over a cliff. It’s a stereotype.”

Clarke smiled. “Kane said it’s about me.”

“Loosely based. A lot of the same qualities, she brings him home, just like you bring me home.”

“What about Octavia?”

“I’d always going to be my sister but whenever I think of home, I think of you.”

“And the dog?”

“Ellie,” he smiled. “I think you’ll like her, Miller’s baby.”

“You were staying at Miller’s?”

“I didn’t think you wanted me here,” he shrugged, pulling her closer to him.

Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck, “I always want you around, I regretted breaking up with you when the moment you walked out the door. Do you still want to marry me?”

“Clarke...”

“I’m serious, Bellamy,” she pulled away if I hadn’t broken up with you, would that be the conversation we’d be having instead?”

“Probably, though I think this happened for a reason. When I was talking about the new book, I thought about our relationship and how I’ve perceived things vs the reality of the situations. I had no idea what was going on in your head when you broke up with me and I don’t know what’s behind all the decisions you make and sometimes I really don’t want to know. It’s a theme in the book, how one person could be on one wavelength and the other on a completely different one. I was ready for marriage and you were done. In the book it’s not like that but it’s the same scenario.

“But thinking about marriage when you’re obsessing over being a disappointment to me, those are differences I didn’t put into account.”

“Does it matter that I was wrong and miserable without you?”

“Of course, but I wasn’t going to say that I don’t want to marry you.”

“Okay?”

“We need more time, you were always so busy with work and school that we were more friends than a couple. We need to be a couple before we get married.”

“You know what? That sounds perfect. Do you want to start with watching Travelers? I was going to start the second season.”

“Without me?”

“Don’t give me that look! I figured since we broke up…” Clarke shook her head. “It wouldn’t have been the same without you. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too. Popcorn and beer first.”

Clarke chuckled, bounding into the kitchen, “Definitely!”

“God, I’ve missed this Clarke,” Bellamy laughed, following her. “I love you.”

She spun around with the bag of popcorn in her hand. “I love you too.”

* * *

**6 MONTHS LATER:**

**Author's Note:**

> Clarke's drawing... I absolutely LOVE it! Laura is super sweet for allowing me to use it in this. THANK YOU, [LAURA!](http://laura-mago-art-fanart.tumblr.com/)


End file.
